Confused

I have no idea what I’m doing in my life. on a professional level, personal level, any level for that matter.

Professionally though, I’m so lost it’s not funny. I honestly have no idea what I want to do. I’m starting a new gig in a couple of weeks and initially I was super excited for it. It was a mix of teaching and techy stuff, I thought the perfect mix of my education and what I loved to do. When I got the interview for it I was over the moon. Literally. Now…I don’t even know if I should accept it.

I’m not sure what happened. Well actually I think it was the offer call. My soon to be manager called to offer me the position but it was really..weird. He was like do you actually want this job? And then he was basically like OK i’ll give you a chance, but you’ll be on probation for 9 months because I don’t feel like your technical skills are on par to what we’re looking for. I was like okay…[ and in my head I’m thinking then why are you offering me this job?!]. He then gave me my salary (which was almost $10,000 lower then what I started with at my last place), I was kind of appalled and negotiated so that it was only a $5,000 difference BUT it’s still a drop of $15,000 from where I ended at my last place.

I always thought money wasn’t an issue for me, that I was fine with any job as long as i enjoyed it. Now I’m confused. I guess it’s because I’m in a profession where people expect you to be getting paid a lot. And I’m not getting paid even close to that now. not even close.

And then on top of that, starting a job where they don’t even think you have the technical skills, what’s up with that?! I kind of think he played that to get me to sign to a lower salary. I’m not sure if that’s my ego but I dunno, it’s just weird. Because in reality no corporation would ever take on an employee if they didn’t think they’d perform the job. That’d be a hit for them in the long run.

So no confidence + lower salary = not excited for the start date.

Alas, I’ve accepted the position for now after doing Istighara. If something better comes along I’ll take it, if not I’ll try this out and see what happens.

But in the meantime I’ve started soulsearching to figure out WHAT THE HECK DO I REALLY WANT. I’ll keep you posted once I figure it out. InshAllah it happens within the next 30 years.